A wonderful teacher and alum came by to visit and we were talking about davenning options and independent minyanim in the states. Somehow it came up that she said that somewhere (a synagogue, a minyan, I forget) the davenning was not "fulfilling the needs" of the participants.
I stopped and nodded. I didn't rant really. I could have, but I didn't.
I've got 2 hours to myself tonight by waking up at 3:30 am not on purpose. I get up in the morning and exercise (a must if I want to avoid back pain), get kids up, make their lunches, get them to school and get to work. I work until I absolutely must leave, drive to pick up kids, do what they want for a couple of hours interspersed with housework, dinner, baths, reading to them, usually more work after they are in bed though sometimes a discretionary hour (computer or more exercise). On Shabbat, I take them to shul, because it's a mitzvah (veshinantam levanecha - and they don't go to religious school so I have more obligation), because it keeps them occupied, because I'm there to pray. Sometimes I learn something, I always see people I know.
I guess in the fulfilling needs department I'm with the Ballad of Erica Levine - picking up in the middle here:
"'Erica Levine will you marry me - This relationship is filling a basic need and I'd like to have it legally guaranteed.'
'Basic needs at this age should be met by you, I'm your lover not your mother, let's be careful what we do. I love you but your needs are a very different issue' then he started to cry and she handed him a tissue."
I'm grateful because my life is so contingent - people depend on me, I am committed to people and to my work, there isn't much discretionary time and there isn't so much room - wiggle room maybe, but wide open spaces aren't there. I go back and forth - I've had moments this year of real envy of my students who are in their 20s with so many options. At the same time all the things I'm most grateful for are the things I'm most committed to and those that demand the most from me.
I know this is an age and stage thing. But I also know adult life is about what we give, not about getting our needs met. I'm grateful to Miriam Weinberg, who first shared the ballad of Erica Levine with me, and to everyone who has taught me that.
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I have spoken to very few people in the liberal world where davening actually fills their needs- that is they like where they daven. Imagine a world where we all had our spiritual needs fulfilled.
ReplyDeleteRegarding age and stage- always good to keep that in mind. Nothing stays the same forever.
Thanks so much for posting a comment!!!!
ReplyDeleteI don't think most people in the orthodox world think that davenning "fills their needs". They do it because they feel obligated. I think you told me that a wise rabbi recently said that G-d isn't there to meet our needs (and guess what, neither are our partners, etc. etc.). You have been among the people who have taught me this. As far as a world where we all have our spiritual needs fulfilled, I will say two things. One, that's Olam Haba. Two, that's this world, we just don't recognize it!!!!