Internalized racism and other musings

I had an intense experience at a checkpoint today. This is the checkpoint before the tunnels on Route 60 when you are coming into Jerusalem from Gush Etzion. Those of you who know me know that although I live within the green line, I live right next to it, and travel every day through the west bank to get to work in Jerusalem. I drive through this checkpoint every day - I should say breeze through this checkpoint - an experience of privilege I am almost always conscious of. I pay almost no attention to the automatic weapons (machine guns) on pretty much every soldier. The soldiers often seem to me like kids, especially the young women.

The far right lane is like the will be checked lane and in the next lane over they can also pull you aside to a bay. The left lane has not been open much lately.

I have known (from a hitchhiker I picked up once who explained this to me) that the people who work at the checkpoint fall into three categories - army, police and security staff hired by a private company. I don't know why this is or what the various tasks are.

Today, in the far right lane, there were three extra people with guns, I think only one of them in uniform, not right at the checkpoint but closer to where the cars come in, like walking toward the cars. They were holding their guns differently, but in addition, two of them were black. All of a sudden when I saw them, I felt very fearful. I think this was my own internalized racism at work - I think that I should be afraid of black people, and the fact they were holding guns made it more so. When I see Ethiopian soldiers, the Israeli army uniform puts me at ease. These men did not seem to be Ethiopian but I think also the visual cue to me was that they were not wearing uniforms.

This gave me a glimpse of what Arabs going through this checkpoint probably feel. It was a horrible feeling to feel so fearful, and also to recognize my own racism generating the fear, and to once again recognize the privilege I have of traveling most days without fear through this checkpoint.

Today we marked the 5th anniversary of the "hitnatkut" - the pullout from Gaza. Five years in which the left has declined and the right increased, so that on the radio yesterday I heard one commentator say that the right has succeeded in convincing the country that the pullout from Gaza was a mistake. A pro-pullout woman and a woman settler were on the radio and the former said she is less optimistic than she was 5 years ago while the latter said she feels good about how the country is going. She said the country is getting closer to Judaism. That would appear to be backed up by the statistic I heard yesterday - 52% of first graders in the country are in Orthodox or Ultra-Orthodox schools.

We have wonderful students at my work this summer, Alen is hosting a GLBT birthright group at her work tomorrow!, and Gabi has loved her camp that ends tomorrow at the nature museum. I'm looking forward to another afternoon at the nursing home and to a relaxing Shabbat. We had the first Tisha B'Av program that our Reform congregation has held this week and a packed house at the Conservative Yeshiva as usual. The conversion bill brings a lot of concern to our home and work. A sense of privilege and awe along with frustration and sometimes a fear or despair stay with me when I look at all this. The big picture just gets bigger.