I got up in the morning and opened facebook. Sasha saw that Auntie Lisa had a photo of Lucas, and he asked to see it, and then the next time I saw he had a huge page of photos of Lucas up on the screen. I'm thinking, this really sucks. First thing in the morning my 6 year old is looking at photos of his cousin who died. Why am I waking up in this kind of world?
We went to visit the kids other cousins. I somehow made my way through watching Sasha so want the approval and attention of his 13 year old boy cousin. How many 13 year olds want to play with 6 year olds? The whole interaction made me want to cry. I didn't figure out why I felt so strongly until we were on our way out the door and Gabi said something about "I have four and a half cousins." Her aunt tried to say she has five cousins, but it's not really true, because one of them isn't alive.
I've tried to soften my words here.
Then I read on Lisa's facebook that she just went to church for the first time since Lucas's funeral, which was almost 18 months ago. That said it all.
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I know it's no consolation (what can console a loss like this?) but when they get a little older you'll be able to show them the massive family tree I sent you-- and let them know they have many, many cousins.
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