I think I want to rename this blog and call it, "It's complicated."
Alen was home sick and heard some young teen girls gathered outside our house talking and saying, "That's the yard of the lesbians." She was pretty sure one of them lived in our building.
I had a pretty good idea of who it was and while Alen was dubious about it, I decided to go talk to our new neighbors. I thought about what I would say for some time. On the one hand, what other people think of us is none of our business. On the other hand, my kids also live in this building.
So I asked to talk to the mom privately, and I told her what happened, and that I thought it might have been her daughter, but that I was not sure, and her first response was "my kids have no idea about you. We haven't said anything. It's a completely private matter." These kids are about 13 and 15. I'm not sure what planet this lovely woman is living on.
I said, "Well, we don't keep it a secret that we are two women raising two kids."
She said, "No of course not, it's nothing you need to hide."
And there we have the dilemma in Israel - it's nothing to hide but it's a completely private matter.
So I said, "well, it's totally your call, but maybe you want to talk to your daughter. She might have questions about it."
Then she told me about her teenage son who has become orthodox under the influence of Shas type activists who were in another part of our town influencing teenage boys but have supposedly left, and how against it she and her husband have been and how she would never mention something like this to him (her son) because of the attitudes of that segment of the religious population.
So I said again, "it's totally your call, but maybe you want to talk to your daughter."
And she told me she was glad I said something to her, and she thinks we're great and our kids are great.
And I'm left wondering, if she talks to her daughter, what on earth will she say? That it's a totally private matter not to talk about but nothing to be ashamed of?
Stay tuned for why I'm ambivalent about joining a speakers bureau for GLBT issues. It's not what you think.
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I am glad you talked to the mom- you are courageous and you did what was necessary. Its complicated is right on- wish it were easier.
ReplyDeleteI'm grateful I can see today how many sides there are to things.
ReplyDeleteIt's so strange to see the other side of this experience. The person who lived on the other side of our backyard was rumored to be a lesbian. My brothers and I used to peek over the fence spying on her and speculating about all kinds of things. (And we were way younger than 13-15.) One time she caught us. She was rumored also (by us) to be a witch, so naturally we were terrified...but she just waved. When I asked my mom about her, she said I should stop spying on people. Now I wonder what our neighbor was thinking--whether she made the connection on why these children were so interested in her, and whether it hurt her feelings.
ReplyDeleteI think the worst thing about people's attempt to shelter children from "completely private matters" is the damage it does to the children they are trying to protect. They never realize that some of those kids are gay and may not want to endure adolescence wholly deprived of any appropriate role model. And for the kids who aren't, how will they learn not to bully people over their "private matters" when they see their parents avoiding the issue like it's dirty underwear?