Go!

Just a few weeks ago, my wife hurriedly got on a plane to meet her uncle who flew from a different continent and to drive with him to see her other uncle, his brother, in hospital. They stayed about 5 days, and her sick uncle passed away about a week after their return.

Last Thanksgiving, my sister and I made travel arrangements for our mother and I met my mother in London to visit her brother in hospital. We had 5 days and 6 nights going from hotel to hospital. He died about 6 weeks after our visit.

Another similar family visit between elderly siblings took place in our extended family this fall, with the help of children who escorted their mother to see her brother. Not long after sister and brother passed away on the same day.

Aging siblings often live miles if not continents apart. I remember a man in my congregation who wanted to visit his sister, just a three hour drive away. He never made it - he was not well and the arrangements were too complicated.

Older people often need the help of the Sandwich Generation to make a visit to a sibling happen. If you have the chance to accompany an older relative to visit a sibling, do it. Here are some tips:

• Keep in mind you will need to let go of work and put out money (although I worked every day in the hospital lounge area). 
• Make your focus caring for your older relative, so that the relatives of their sibling don't have to worry about either of you.
• Logistics are best handled by the sandwich generation member so that your older relative does not have to stress (and you have better tech skills for this)
• Leave your own children home.
• Spend the extra money on the taxi, hotel, restaurant, to ensure that you can have something to give to the caregivers and that you are not taking from them. 
• Check in to be sure your visit can be arranged in a way that everyone benefits. Make nearby hotel arrangements.
• Take lots of photos - you will treasure them
• Use the time to reminisce, look at old photos, sing favorite songs, tell jokes
• Offer to relieve family members at the hospital/nursing home so that they can take care of business or rest
• Offer to take them out to a meal, bring in sandwiches, etc.
• Put on your own oxygen mask while you are there by taking walks, reaching out to your own family
• Visit a church, synagogue or place of special memory
• Cherish every moment

In memory of Ronald Jacobs and Richard Greenwood, may their memory be a blessing.